In the next room, I hear a lot of yelling.
I just heard, "F-you Al Harris. I am done with you." [Who is Al Harris?]
I love my boyfriend, but do not understand his Mr. Hyde syndrome when it comes to football. I seriously work late or find something to do when a game is on.
Granted, tonight is a pretty serious game and as of right now, our beloved Green Bay Packers are losing to the Minnesota Vikings, who are now lead by traitor quarterback Brett Favre. Sigh.
Anyhow, tonight I did not take photos of my dinner. I neglected to photograph my lunch. I think I did not do these things, perhaps, because I am feeling somewhat guilty about what I ate. It seems that I have a bit of the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - ahem, Miss Hyde - factor happening within myself today, an inner dialogue of the balance of thoughts turned into actions, that is all too familiar.
I've definitely got a monster 'voice' inside of me sometimes.
It started out innocently enough, the story of my typical day.
Dr. Jekyll: I woke up with enough time to eat a healthy bowl of cereal or oats, but skipped it because I got distracted (pre-work blog reading - d'oh!). I mixed myself an iced coffee with soy milk and one scoop of chocolate whey protein powder, which tasted great.
I did manage a crappy photo. I drank this on the way to work and had a Kashi granola bar as well.
Miss Hyde: However, once I sat down and got to workin', I started to feel stressed (typical Monday morning at my office - lots of deadlines to meet). I had to plan out the content for two combination ads (each featuring about 8 shows) and order the rest of our print ads for the week. This always makes me a little anxious.
Dr. Jekyll: After about 3 1/2 hours, I was pretty hungry and had no plans for lunch. I decided to take a walk with buddy Jason in the office and go to Potbelly's Sandwich works, and ordered a "skinny" mushroom melt on wheat bread. On the side - a Diet Coke. Miss Hyde: Yeah, there were veggies in the sandwich, but I bet they could fit into my closed fist. Double sigh.
Dr. Jekyll: I worked at my desk for another several hours, the highlight of which was an afternoon meeting where we discussed the onsale plan for an exciting show. Afterwards, my boss pointed out some fresh fruit that was leftover from an earlier session. I helped myself out to a coffee-cup full of berries and watermelon, which was refreshing.
Miss Hyde: Remembered a Ghiardelli chocolate bar I had stashed at my desk, and ate half without really savoring it. On the way home, knowing that we'd be elbow deep in football viewing, I picked up a frozen pizza (which I probably hadn't had for 4+ months), a sushi combo platter, and a Diet Dr. Pepper. In other words, not a single whole food. Preservative city. Chemical meltdown.
Miss Hyde: Do you ever have those grocery shops where you find yourself in the frozen dessert section, staring at Ben & Jerry's and Haagen Daz, when it occurs to you that you have no idea how long you've been hovering in front of the freezer case? That happened to me (only for a couple minutes but I digress), and as soon as I realized it, I rushed away. All of the ice cream was severely freezer burned anyhow, who would want to buy a pint that's encased in gross frost?
Ahem... Miss Hyde: Well, I got home, shared the sushi with Zak and made the pizza. It's Tombstone, it's "Garlic Bread" crust (whatever that means), and super cheesy. It tasted good but I think I will swell up overnight from all of the salt. I only had 2.5 small pieces, but I've been chugging water ever since.
Anyway... I do feel guilty about the majority of my food choices. Mostly because I had time to make good ones, and I chose to listen to the ill-informed inner food craving voice that is dictated by hormones and laziness. Sure, it's fun to treat myself to frozen pizza, but I know I would have felt better had I made that Barilla Plus pasta and marinara I was also craving, or maybe a leafy green salad with tuna. Dr. Jekyll is great at planning, but throw some stress her way and it's back to Miss Hyde in a moment.
Dr. Jekyll: I have removed myself from the stressball football viewing room and chose to write instead. One of my goals with starting this blog is to be more accountable for my food and lifestyle choices, so here we are.
My renewed goal: To get better at meal planning, for my own good. So that I don't eat sandwiches from a place called Potbelly's (I mean, really. It's called POTBELLY's). So that stuff called "Garlic Bread Pizza" that has a zillion chemical-y sounding ingredients doesn't find its way into my grocery cart. To be way less reliant on processed, packaged foods. So that Miss Hyde can kick herself in the butt and leave me alone!!!
Anyway. I know that tonight's post may seem a little odd, and I thank you for reading. I think that this dual of inner 'voices' is something that many people deal with when trying to achieve healthier eating and fitness habits. The sensible voice strives to make healthy choices, while the distraught voice encourages you to make bad ones.
It has been just over three months of blogging and I feel like I have already learned many lessons, discovered many new things. The Miss Hyde monster 'voice' may never go away entirely, but at least she's kept at bay on most days. Here's to the continued journey.